If you’ve never had the pleasure of living in the South, there are some things you’re missing.

The weather, for one thing - unless you live in San Diego.  Being a native of Michigan, I can honestly say that I don’t miss driving in snow, shoveling snow, or knocking myself cold when my car slipped on the ice before I started wearing seatbelts religiously.  Yes, it’s not just people who slip on the ice - cars do it, too.

One thing you’re not missing – unless you’re an entomologist – is the richness of the insect life you’ll find in the South. 

Red ants are one example.  If you’re allergic to red ants, one bite can kill you.  And, that’s the reason that my sister carries an epinephrine “pen” around with her.  (The dictionary is getting a real workout with this post!)  The pen can save her life because she is allergic and can give herself a shot if bitten.

I couldn’t even begin to identify all the various insects that I’ve seen here around Atlanta that I’ve never seen before.  But, the most annoying to me is the roach.  These aren’t the kind of roaches you see in scummy, dirty apartments on TV.  These are LARGE roaches that live outside.  They only come to visit from time to time, but they’re the biggest reason that everyone in the South hires a pest control company to visit them, hopefully  more often than the roaches do.

Now, I imagine that if you grew up in the South, and you discover a roach in the house, you simply kill it.  If you’re anything like me, however, you keep the vacuum cleaner in a handy place to deal with the little darlings.  To me, trying to kill a roach by swatting it with a newspaper is the equivalent of trying to kill an attacking mountain lion with a baseball bat.  It is too messy, requires too much close contact, and it’s just not happening.

But, if you put all the tube-like attachments you own on your vacuum cleaner, you can approach the insect from a fairly safe distance and suck it up into the machine.  The only other thing left to do is to stuff some newspaper or something into the end of the wand so that when the roach decides to leave, he doesn’t come strolling out and back into the home environment.

Never mind that the spray used by the pest control folks has possibly already killed the bug.  They often play possum.  And if you decide to get rid of one “later”, you may return to find it has removed itself to a safer place in the living room.

One thing people in the South have done to try to make things easier for us Yankees is rename this infamous insect.  Many refer to them as water bugs.  However, they’re really not fooling anyone.  They’re giant cockroaches.  I know because I looked it up, and thanks to the Wikipedia, you can see for yourself.  Face it, folks – there are no water bugs floating around in my living room – let’s just call a roach a roach!