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It is a little known fact, but did you know that paper does actually go through a reproduction cycle while it sits on your desk?
I excavated my office over the weekend. What a production. Or, should I say reproduction? I haven’t figured out how to stop the paper in the office from multiplying, but I have perfected an excavation process that works pretty well.
My problem is two-fold. First, there is the problem of paper multiplying. I do believe that’s true. I think the guy who studied fruit flies to research genetics could have saved himself a lot of staring through a microscope at those tiny little bugs. He could have studied several generations of paper in just as short a period of time.
The second problem is that I am afflicted with more than a modest amount of pack ratness. Or, is that packratitis? In any event, between those two things, excavating the office is required on quite a regular basis.
Here’s how it works. First, take all the piles, notes and extra pieces of paper that have accumulated on all the horizontal surfaces in your office and put them into one large pile. Then, relocate yourself and the consolidated paper pile to a comfortable piece of floor somewhere. Then, go through the pile one piece of paper at a time and create new piles.
If you wait long enough, you’ll find that most things can go in the “to be thrown out” pile. It helps if you make that pile on the inside of a plastic trash bag so you aren’t tempted to retrieve anything that you screwed up the courage to deep six.
And, you’ll also find evidence of paper reproduction. One thing I like about email is that I always have access to the information I need. Which is why I’ve grown to hate faxes. If you lose a fax, you’re sunk. If you lose an email or email attachment, you can always get another copy. And, that’s what starts the paper’s reproductive cycle.
I am computer savvy, and I have no problem working with information in an electronic format. But, there are times when nothing but a hardcopy will do. And, since I know that I have backups of just about everything (very few people fax these days), if I can’t find something I need, I’ll just print it out again. Which is undoubtedly fueling the paper’s ability to reproduce.
So, now my office is very neat and tidy. I have thrown out all the things I don’t know what else to do with - like the expired coupons, newspapers with articles that I wanted to read when they first entered the office and were meaningful, etc.
My next trick will be to invent birth control for paper. In some areas, conservationists use a birth control loaded dart to shoot deer to keep populations down. I’m thinking there ought to be something along that line for paper.
Only problem is, I think I’m the one who is going to end up getting the shot.
